Under Which Conditions and How Can We Forgive What We Can't Forgive?
Prof. Dr. Ekrem Çulfa - Pschotherapist & Couples Therapist
Forgiveness frees you. When you choose to forgive, you will benefit greatly as well as those around you. It doesn't matter if you forgive others or yourself. Forgiveness frees you from your past shackles and enables you to realize your true potential.
Forgiveness frees you from limiting beliefs and behaviors. It releases the burden on your mental and emotional energies, allowing you to use them for a better life. Forgiveness also helps you achieve your most practical and immediate goals. Maybe you want to have a better job, make more money, build better relationships, or live in a better place.
Forgiveness helps you achieve all of these. If you haven't forgiven, part of you will always be a prisoner of resentment, anger, pain, or some kind of anguish. This captive life will limit you. It's like trying to ride a bike with partially depressed brakes for life. It slows you down, frustrates you, and hinders your progress.
It is likely that the choices you make and the things you believe will all be affected by your unforgiveness. As you learn to forgive your energy that constantly leads to unhappy thoughts and feelings, that energy will flow into the creation of the life you want, not into a life that limits you and makes you suffer more.
If you don't want to learn to forgive to do good to yourself, you must learn to forgive to do good to others. As you learn to forgive, you will be doing a favor to every person you come in contact with. Your way of thinking becomes clearer and more positive than ever before. You have so much more to offer and you will be more willing to share what you have with others. You naturally and effortlessly become kinder, more generous, and more compassionate towards others, without feeling an effort or obligation to achieve.
You have a happier and more positive attitude towards the people in your life, and they treat you as such in return.
Is it easier to be with a forgiving person than with an unforgiving person?
Yes of course. The quality of your life depends on the quality of your relationships. As you learn to forgive, every aspect of your life, your family, your work life, your social life, will change. Learning to forgive will improve your relationships as it develops and improves your attitude. As your relationships evolve, every aspect of your life will evolve accordingly. If he talks about the next level, financial abundance and success, forgiveness will also help you achieve that. For example, if you want to have more money in life, you must learn not to offend people who have more money than you.
People with more money than you are the best people to help you in case of need. If you offend "people with money", as some people do, they won't help you when the time comes. Because you're too busy offending them. Likewise, if you approach more successful people positively, if you smile instead of glaring at them, they will find you more friendly and more likely to work or socialize with you. If you want a better job, if you want to earn more money, your good attitude towards the place you work, your boss, your colleagues, your customers will help you in this regard. People with a positive, helpful temperament come to the fore in every situation. There is no way you can be successful in an organization where you don't want to be successful because you don't want to show your best.
If you don't give your best, you won't get the best return.
You can acquire a temperament that will allow you to be very forgiving but very successful at work. Learning to forgive yourself is also vitally important.
Injuring yourself for refusing to forgive others also hurts others.
If you don't forgive yourself, you reject yourself and the good things in your life and you punish yourself. The less you give, the less good you get around. When you stop limiting what you receive, you stop limiting what you can give. When you forgive yourself it's in everyone's best interest because you allow more beauty and sharing to flow into your life. When you forgive, you become a better person, gentleman, husband, wife, teacher, student, employee, manager, and a better parent or child.
When you forgive, you will be more successful at what you give more importance to.
As we learn to forgive, not only do the seemingly impossible become possible, they also become achievable goals. If you are a religious person or have spiritual beliefs, learning practical ways of forgiveness will deepen your religious or spiritual beliefs and take them to another dimension. It will help you become the kind of person you want to be, and it will take away the guilt of not being "as good" as you should be. Trying to forgive strengthens the good in you. In this way, you will be more active in your life. You are naturally less inclined to do things that you know you shouldn't do, but that you haven't been able to stop yourself from doing until then. You start doing things that you couldn't do before, but you should do more. Learning to forgive helps you, it doesn't hurt you. Forgiveness is very practical and helpful. There is nothing incomprehensible or inapplicable.
Forgiveness sets you free
As you learn to forgive, many problems, even health problems, gradually decrease and disappear. It's like seeing your life from above and seeing the easiest way to get where you want to be. Your life will unfold before your eyes. Opportunities will come your way out of nowhere. It will offer you happy coincidences such as meeting the right person at the right time. Ideas and answers will come to you just when you need them. A friend commenting, opening the cover of a book or magazine, or eavesdropping on a conversation can all offer you what you're looking for. So why is this so? Because the more you forgive, the more you open yourself up to the goodness of life and therefore pave the way for goodness to walk within yourself. As you learn to forgive, your predominant abilities will emerge and you will rediscover yourself as a stronger, more resourceful person than you have ever been before. The parts of you that cannot grow in the lifeless soil of unforgiveness, that you have not discovered, will start to sprout. Your life will be more enjoyable and fun with smoother flow.
If all this seems like an exaggeration for now, so be it for now.
In this next article, you will find some steps of Forgiveness and you will be very glad you found it, but situations such as anger-hostility-offence-anger outbursts are very destructive, it would be wise to seek professional help without tiring yourself further. If you have questions about issues such as inability to forgive, + 90 544 724 3650
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